When it comes to separation anxiety, the body language says it all: the lower lip is protruding, the chin begins to quiver, the eyes grow wider, and tears begin to pool along the lower lids. It's obvious that there is a fifty-fifty chance that there may soon be screaming and wailing. If this mother doesn't pull herself together, it won't be safe for her to drive out of the parking lot! Of course, her child is having fun playing with trains in the classroom, but Mom feels that the world is ending this morning. No one tells you when you're considering starting a family about the intense separation anxiety that parents sometimes feel when adjusting to leaving their children in the care of others. If this is something that you are going through right now, here are a few things that may help a little:
-Your teachers care about your feelings and the feelings of your child. We are parents, too, and were even little children once ourselves. We have a lot of experience in helping children and parents make this important transition, and realize that everyone is individual and unique.
-If you feel no discomfort about leaving your child at school, or if your child doesn't seem to even notice when you leave, HURRAY! If you can't wait to make use of that two hours or if you wish it were longer, good for you! Not all good parents experience separation anxiety.
-Young children, beginning at about age two, benefit from brief separations from their parent. Their healthy development of autonomy and self-esteem depends on having many experiences at saying goodbye, and then saying hello again. Reading your textbook or other child-development-based parenting books will reinforce your confidence about this.
-Once you are satisfied that school is a safe and happy place for your child, try to make your goodbyes short and sweet. Realize that having some residual guilt or ambivalence about leaving a young child at preschool is normal, but it isn't necessarily based on rational thinking.
-Crying is not the end of the world. Children cry and then they feel better. It can be a healthy way for children to relieve stress and express strong feelings. But it doesn't mean that school isn't a wonderful place for your child to be. If your child cries excessively your teacher will let you know. The teacher and the classroom parents are there to provide emotional support. And: these same rules apply to parental crying. Just try to wipe your eyes before you drive out into traffic.
-Difficulty saying goodbye is often a two-way street. Children pick up on their parents' anxieties. Try to remind yourself that your child is ready for this experience and attempt not to convey anxious feelings to your child. Talk with other parents who have been through it, and reassure yourself that you and your child are experiencing a normal part of development.
Reprinted with permission from: The Parent’s Leadership Institute. Find on the web at
www.parentleaders.org
When children are under stress, they lose their patience, theirlove of fun, their easygoing ability to make each day a goodone. At these times, they tend to do things that don't makesense. They'll begin to squabble, to insist on having thingssomeone else has, or to want one thing after another, withoutgaining satisfaction.
At times like these, we parents can play a very positive role.We can set limits on our children's behavior in order to helpthem relieve the stress they are under, and regain their innategood judgment and joy in cooperation. When you think yourchild is being unreasonable, here are the steps to follow.
Listen: Get down so you are at eye level, and simply ask what's going on. Ask your child to tell you why she's yelling, or why shehas to have the blue dress that's in the wash. She needs to talkabout the upset she feels, if possible, to someone who isn't upsettoo.
Limit: If she is insisting on unreasonable behavior, you must step in. Tell her what you think is reasonable, and then make sure thather unreasonable behavior doesn't continue. If your child is yellingat her brother, tell her it's not helping to yell, ask her to stop, andif she can't stop, pick her up gently and bring her with you intoanother room. If she's throwing toys in anger, put your hand onthe toy she's about to throw, and say, "I won't let you throwthat." If she is insisting on having a fifth cookie, bring her into your lap, away from the cookies, and tell her, "Not now. Later, you can have another, but not now." Nopunishment is needed, no lectures areneeded, no harshness is needed. Simplystep in.
Children who are under stress can't thinkwell. They can't process what we tell them,so they don't do what we ask. You mustexpect this, and step in, gently but firmly,to see that they don't continue to doirrational things.
Listen: This is the "stress release" step, the one which will help your child immensely. After youhave stepped in to prevent your child from doingthings that don't make sense, she will most likelybegin to cry, storm, or tantrum. This is constructive. It is your child's way of getting rid of the tension that made her unreasonable in thefirst place. If you can stay close while she criesor storms, she will continue until she has regainedher ability to listen, to be cooperative, and tomake the best of the situation at hand.
Kinder Conference by Explorer parent Regina Koepf
01-31-06
Dear Explorer Families,
I had the pleasure of attending the two-day California Kindergarten Association (CKA) conference in January along with teachers Konne and Jackie. I attended because I have been a Kindergarten teacher in Campbell Union School District since 1995, and as a California educator I am required to fulfill 150 hours of professional growth in order to renew my credential.
This conference was of great interest to me because I thought it would help me become a better Kindergarten teacher by attending sessions with prolific and well-respected authors, illustrators, musicians and professionals across the country. Ultimately, what I came away with was something more than teaching tips and hours toward my next credential renewal. As it turns out, I was left feeling inspired professionally and personally, particularly by the opening segment and keynote speech which covered the issues affecting Kindergarten today and raising children who are ready to learn. Teachers Konne and Jackie asked me to write a summary of what I thought would be of interest to Explorer families.
The conference began with the president of CKA speaking about issues of importance to Kindergarten teachers such as changing the entry age of Kindergarteners to 5, the “pre-school for all” initiative, class size increases across the state, and full-day and state-mandated Kindergarten. Listening as both a teacher and a parent, I realized that we both share the same debatable concerns.
Faced with the increasing educational demands placed on children as early as Kindergarten and being aware of the social/emotional and developmental needs of our kids, as a parent, I am concerned about my own four-year-old daughter starting school too early or possibly too late. I wonder if she and the other students in her class will have had enough social experience prior to starting Kindergarten. I also worry about her getting lost in a large class with a high teacher to student ratio or experiencing too much pressure to develop skills and meet state demands. Additionally, I wonder if a 3 hour day is long enough to get a well-rounded education and likewise, if a seven our day is too long for her to handle. I know I am not alone in my concerns.
With these issues in mind, the keynote speaker provided inspirational words of praise and advice for teachers as well as parents of Kindergartners and responded to our concerns by offering a unique solution.
Rosemary Wells is a mother and the author of many books for children including the Max and Ruby series and is creator and founder of the “Read to Your Bunny” program used in many schools to promote family literacy. Recently she has written two books My Kindergarten and My Shining Star which focus on Kindergarten children and their emotional, social and educational needs. Her message was clear. Children entering school thrive when they are “ready to learn.” Parents are the child’s first teachers and they lay the ground work for their child’s success in school and in life by teaching and developing a set of necessary skills, values and practices at home.
According to Ms. Wells, a child who is “ready to learn” is socialized, respects and trusts others and is in the constant practice of reading and writing daily at home. In her speech she laid out her “Ten Commandments” that need to be modeled by parents or guardians and developed in children (with a strong emphasis on the final three):
- Respect – Children who are respected at home will have empathy for others and learn to cooperate and respect themselves.
- Listening – Children who are listened to will listen to others.
- Trust – Parents must keep their promises.
- Work – Daily work at home teaches responsibility.
- Honesty – Children who see that truth is valued at home and see the justice in truth will know right from wrong.
- Patience – Children who see parents who try and try again are not afraid of failure.
- Habits - Children need sleep, good food and the outdoors.
- Reading – Just as we brush our teeth daily, we must lap read with the same consistency.
- Writing – Parents must model behavior and praise every effort made by children.
- Time – Children who spend quality time with parents feel like they are important and worthy.
Ms. Wells said she loves to see children who are, “Organically nourished, television deprived and book flooded.” First and foremost she believes that “the book is key.” Not only can children discover things about the world, wonder about, ponder on and discuss new ideas, but they are given a tool to use for a lifetime. She also believes that since parents are the child’s first teacher they cannot underestimate the impact and influence they have on their children in shaping their values and beliefs about the world. Forget about the latest CD rom, DVD or even fancy books on tape. Nothing replaces one half hour of lap reading each day with a child in his or her parent’s own voice. Why? The answer is because children spell “love” t-i-m-e. The time spent reading with your children builds confidence and lets them know they have value. She also believes that a successful child learns from experience, and one of the best experiences parents can give to children in addition to daily lap reading is a trip to the library. By exposing them to reading and writing early on, learning is not brand new and strange when they start school. In essence, reading, writing and spending time with your children will prepare them to be the producers rather than consumers of tomorrow.
In closing, the opening session of the conference inspired me and reaffirmed my confidence as a parent and a teacher.
Let me preface by saying I know I am preaching to the choir when I summarize what I learned as a parent from this experience. The choices we make for our children will directly impact their futures. We must teach our children the values they need to succeed before Kindergarten and allow them to do better than we did in life. We need to be involved in the lives of our children throughout their school years and learn to work with and trust the teaching professionals who touch their lives.
The message that stuck with me through the eyes of a teacher is that we owe tremendous gratitude to parents who have raised children who are ready to learn. When these children enter Kindergarten they are familiar with the process of learning, excited about learning and curious and capable of meeting and exceeding high academic standards. They truly soar in that first year. I agree whole-heartedly with Rosemary Wells when she says, “Give me a child who is ready to learn, and I’ll give you a shining star in return.”
Best Regards, Regina Koepf
Learning and Brain Development by Teacher Annie
The Brain Conference
February 2007
Highlights from the Conference
As many of you may know, one of my favorite areas of interest is Brain Development. Recently I attended a conference about this, and I wanted to share a few highlights with you.
The conference was fabulous! The conference faculty consisted of prominent researchers and neuroscientists from many related disciplines. The attendees were educators from many levels of education. Most attendees seemed to be elementary and secondary teachers. Some early childhood teachers and higher-ed. instructors like myself were also in attendance, and I am not sure about the number of parent educators. There were also a significant number of clinicians such as therapists. As the title of the conference implies, the entire conference was geared toward linking the most current brain research with classroom practices at all levels.
At the very beginning I was finding that some of what was presented was not specific or "new" enough for me, but was more geared for people who were just getting their feet wet in this area of study. It seemed fairly general and basic. At first, I'll admit that I was a bit disappointed, and concerned that the conference would be too much a "pep-rally" for brain-friendly teaching, which is not what I was after. However, after looking a little deeper into the course selections I was able to find a number of deeper-level courses throughout the three days that went into the research at the neuroscience level in a way that satisfied my desire for new knowledge and gave me new things to think about. In fact, I finally found lots of information that was way over my head! And of course, since there were lots of concurrent sessions, I wasn't able to attend nearly everything that I was interested in. By the end of the conference, I am happy to report that I was left with that wonderful numb-brain feeling of being a bit over-saturated with new information that I always get by the end of a really good conference!
Here are a few things I think you might be interested in:
Mirror Neurons
One of the cutting-edge areas of research these days relates to something called Mirror Neurons. I had heard of this concept in relation to autism research but I didn't know much about it. In this session, presented by Dr. Sylwester, I learned that mirror neurons encode neural templates for specific goal-directed actions. We can consider them to be behavioral memories. They also allow us to perform basic motor actions without conscious thought and to unconsciously comprehend such an action when we observe or sense others performing it. This enables us (and other animals) to "mime" these actions, which is seen to be a major component in learning. This very current and ongoing research will be showing us new directions in work with autistic children but will also be giving us more information about effective teaching for all learners. It supports the ever-building body of evidence that the "traditional" model of schools, which is very language based and which discourage body movement and the use of senses in learning, works against the nature of the brain.
An explanation of mirror neurons:
http://www.interdisciplines.org/mirror
Also, very important information about mirror neurons in two articles in the Nov. 2006 Scientific American, which you can purchase through the SciAm website.
Seven Current Areas of Brain Research That Will Impact Educational Policy and Practice
In addition to the information about mirror neurons, there are several other areas which will be seen in the next decade or so to be critical to the direction that education will be headed, according to the scientist that presented the session on mirror neurons, Dr. Sywester. You can read his article about this:
http://www.aasa.org/publications/saarticledetail.cfm?ItemNumber=7814
(This article also explains mirror neurons a little more clearly.)
It seems that the scientific evidence is growing rapidly, and now we just have to wait for public understanding and political will to catch up with it, for the effectiveness of our schools to improve.
Female/Male Brains
Yes, there ARE differences in the brains of males and females. Very current research is showing what these differences are, and the ways in which the male and female brain function differently in many aspects of life, including learning, communication, and problem-solving. One of the most fascinating sessions that I attended was presented by a scientist (Larry Cahill) who has done a lot of research in this area, and who explained the science behind some of his studies. You can read his article here:
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa006&colID=1&articleID=000363E3-1806-1264-980683414B7F0000 (Larry Cahill article)
Another major presenter on this topic was Michael Gurian. He is the author of "The Wonder Of Boys" and other books about sex/gender differences. You can read this article by Michael Gurian here:
http://www.gurianinstitute.com/oct_2006.html
Research into Practice: Brain-Friendly Classroom Environment
This conference was about neuroscience and education, not about politics and advocacy. So I did not hear much about WHY most schools are not putting our current knowledge about brain research into practice. But I do know that the science is clear and becoming more robust all the time. I think that parents, as well as educators, will have to pull educational systems into the 21st century. Dedicated teachers, such as those attending this conference, are already working hard to try and teach in ways that make sense according to what we know about the brain. In fact, as one of the presenters stated, talented teachers have been doing this according to "intuition" for many years, but now we have more and more empirical evidence to back it up. But educational policies and requirements, such as endless testing and rigid standards, make it extremely difficult to teach in brain-appropriate ways in most school settings. Pat Wolfe was another very dynamic presenter, and you can read one of her terrific articles here about "Brain Development: Fad or Foundation?" I am certain that over the next couple of decades we will see gradual change toward more appropriate educational policies, but unfortunately it is happening very slowly, because the people who make the policies are often not very well-schooled in either child-development, neuroscience, or education. In the meantime, we should all be aware that the most crucial time for appropriate experiences for brain development is during those early years. Your participation in this preschool is a good choice for your child. Everything we do here fits the criteria for "brain-friendly classroom" to a T! And your continued involvement in your child's life and education will reap enormous benefits throughout the elementary and secondary school years.
http://www.aasa.org/publications/saarticledetail.cfm?ItemNumber=7810 (Pat Wolfe article)
Movement
Movement is integral to brain development, and is, indeed, a key reason why our brains evolved in the first place. This has a lot to do with mirror neurons and the motor cortex, and this realization was made crystal clear to me in the session presented by Dr. Sylwester. Early Childhood Educators know that movement is inextricably linked with learning, but now I have a deeper understanding of why this is true. It also makes it even more clear that education needs to be more movement-oriented at all levels.
Relationships
Throughout every single session of the conference, there were constant reminders that the "basics" of brain development include responsive relationships. This is truly the key concept in education and in parenting. Daniel Siegel brought it all together in the final keynote session when he spoke about how emotions and relationships shape child development. He is the author of "Parenting From The Inside Out," "The Developing Mind," and other books. He says that "attunement" in adult-child relationships beginning at an early age, teaches children to be "attuned" to themselves, as well. This enables them to develop not only self-regulation, but also "mindfulness," which he argues is a higher form of learning and intelligence.
Brain Connection Web Site
I recommend this website to anyone who is interested in learning more about brain development:
http://www.brainconnection.com/
-annie
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